I was listening to a podcast by Jon and Alex called "Give it to me straight", where Alex said something that truly resonated with me. She explained that people often say Marriage is hard, Marriage isn't hard. Life is hard! And if you are married to your best friend, this should be the fun part of life where you can handle the difficulty together.
This was the best and most brief way to summarize the difference. We tend to focus on what's not working in our marriage, or relationship, and if we are single we tend to focus on the triggers and traumas and baggage we have from our previous relationships. Why can't we over simplify things for a minute? Yes it is extremely important to work on our healing, our path to recovery, and our self-love and improvement. At the same time, why not just look for a best friend to do life with? Someone you are also attracted to? I know it sounds easier said than done! I was married once, and I was not married to my best friend, or a friend for that matter unfortunately. And the dating scene since then has been... oh boy I can write blogs about it! It's hard to find someone who can meet you where you are at this point in life, at least that has been my experience so far. Or, you meet someone who relies on you to be their full healing coach/carrier of all these burdens and traumas and baggage, while forgetting that you have your own load to carry at the same time. However, if we just found someone who makes life easier, to laugh and be silly with, to go on hikes, or walks under autumn trees, or sit by the water on a full moon night and see the perfect reflection of the moon swaying over the waves, wouldn't that just make life a bit easier? It comes down to pure love. Someone who will love you for who you truly are, not for what you can do for them (and make it transactional). To me, finding this type of love, where I feel truly loved for who I am with flaws and imperfections and all, would make this world a little less heavy to carry on my own.
